Thursday, October 11, 2012

Will I Ever Figure This Out?

We have reached midterm- that halfway point at which Keenan gets to come home for a "fall break", Kari gets her 1st quarter grades from her first dual credit classes, and I get to post grades for my own students. I face this period of time with mixed feelings.

I am THRILLED that Keenan is getting to come home for a few days. It seems like forever since I got to spend much time with him. He hasn't been here since Labor Day weekend, and that seems like AGES ago. I am pleased that Kari has faced her classes with great effort, but I am nervous about how she will feel when she sees her grades. I have seen the stress and frustration that she has been under and I know how hard she has worked; I think she does too, but I am still worried that she will be disappointed.

And then..... there is work. I had hoped that, by this time, I would have made some headway in the "making my own time" department. I mean, I keep having people advise me that this is the time in my life when I should be rediscovering hobbies and setting aside time to enjoy my own interests. Yesterday at work, I got one of those emails that companies send out to us teachers, advising us how we can be a better teacher. At least half of the list talked about taking time to relax and making time to enjoy things that I want to do, not things that I have to do.

I keep hoping that things will settle down in my professional life so that I can actually have "ME" time. Then I find myself with another stack of papers to grade or a new week of lesson plans that need to be written. I am having a lot of difficulty putting things off or just letting things go...... I don't know if I will ever master that skill. Will I ever figure out the recipe of being a good teacher without allowing it to dominate my entire life? Will it really take retirement in order to find the free time that I can spend on something like scrapbooking, that I want to do just for me and for my family? Is it possible in this day and age to be a good teacher, a wife, a mother, AND still have time for myself?

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